Opinion: Money for nothing

Posted on 6 Nov 2009 at 14:22

 

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Why spend any of your hard-earned cash when there's so much free stuff out there on the net? argues hardcore blagger Mel Croucher. Just log on to start raking it in.

What value do you put on your personal dignity? Do you ignore a coin in the street because it's not worth picking up? I'm happy to admit that I roll in the gutter and get dog waste under my fingernails to grab a penny or a pound. No coin is too small for me to trouser. I like free money, and I'm going to let you into a secret. I can pick up money for nothing any time I like, and I don't even have to bend over. That's because I've got a free cash machine on my desk. You've got one too. It is called a computer. Interested? Of course you are. Let me explain how you too can turn your PC into a freebie machine.

I used to go online and print off discount vouchers for anything and everything, but it was becoming expensive. First of all I had pay for the paper and ink, then I had to part with even more cash before I could trade in my money-off vouchers and claim the discount. But not any more! I've waved goodbye to voucher misery and embraced the freebie philosophy.

A genuine freebie involves no money-off vouchers, no sneaky contracts, no added post and packaging costs, and no hidden subscription charges. Most genuine freebies involve new product launches and short-lived opportunities, so I know that to take full advantage I've got to be quick off the mark. The good news is that there are legions of people who have done all the hard work for me. They spend hours digging out genuine free offers and posting the best deals on the web. My standard formula for getting free goods and services is very simple. I connect to the internet, kick-start my favourite search engine and type in the magic words 'moneysavingexpert freebies'. Try it yourself and see what happens. You'll be amazed. Now try searching on 'spendlessonline freebies', and wonder why anyone bothers to pay for anything any more when there's so much free stuff on offer. Its variety is mind-boggling.

Last week I signed up to MoneySavingExpert's freemail service, which delivers all the latest money-for-nothing opportunities direct to my mobile phone. This week it blagged me a load of Pedigree Dog Treats, a SIM card with £5 credit on it, a copy of Dancing Times magazine, a magnetic car tax disc holder, a bar of Dove soap, a meal at Strada, two movie tickets, and three months' membership of the National Trust. I also got three condoms, some Vagisil wipes and a pregnancy testing kit, as well as a free cup of McDonalds coffee, for which I demand a refund.

So the next time you see a lost coin, bend down and pick it up. This will not only stop it falling into the hands of terrorists, illegal aliens or the unemployed, it will also be good exercise. After all, you don't want to go soft because of all your new-found free living, do you?

Author: Mel Croucher