Opinion: Blood, sweat and custard

Posted on 6 Nov 2009 at 14:27

 

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The passage of time, however, does mean that I can finally complete the saga of the tracking company. The system we installed did stuff such as receiving enquiries from the coastguard and the police and then telling the enquirer whether or not the boat had been reported stolen. In those days, when the internet was in its infancy, communication was done by modem, and there was a bank of eight modems waiting to answer dial-up calls on a multiplexed phone line. Broadband ADSL simply didn't exist. As the system was text only, its response speed was really fast, even if you had a lowly 2,400-baud modem.

The detection part of the system, as it was described to us by the managing director (also called Richard), involved a chip embedded in the boat's hull. A port supervisor or official would have a gun-like detector that would send a signal to the chip in the boat, and this would respond with the boat's unique ID. By comparing this with the registration details on the database, they could see who the owner was. The technology could be compared to today's RFID systems, except that it supposedly worked for ranges up to half a mile.

Once we'd installed the registration database, MD Richard commissioned us to put together some computer-driven demonstrations, which they planned to exhibit at all the big boat shows. No expense was spared, and there were visits to conferences, expensive glossy brochures and BMWs all round.

Everyone was full of enthusiasm, except Madge the accounts lady who had a face like bag of spanners and bingo wings that wouldn't be out of place on a jumbo jet. Her opinion of the management team was quite derisory and she referred to the Managing and Development Directors respectively as Big and Little, coupled with the diminutive form of their first name. I kept on the right side of Madge, which was a good move as she ensured that we got paid promptly.

Show what?

I went to the first exhibition to set up the equipment for the rolling presentations, which were to be displayed on big screens at each end of the stand. Meanwhile, Little set out copious supplies of the glossy brochures.

"Wouldn't it be a good idea to have a chip at one end of the stand and a gun unit at the other and actually demonstrate the identification process?" I asked.

"Ahhhhh," said Little. "We haven't started on that bit of the business yet."

You'll be surprised to learn that we never got as far as issuing a maintenance and support contract for the system. Shame really, because our bit worked exactly as designed.

Author: David Robinson