Top 10 vapourware

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Posted on 19 Mar 2010 at 16:00

Pretty much every year we're bombarded with lists of kit and technologies that will 'be the future'. Predictions of this kind are about as accurate as horoscopes, and inevitably the tech never turns up to improve our lives.

It's technology like this that's known as vapourware: it never really exists, a bit like government IT projects, really. Here's our top 10 list of products and technologies that never quite made it. Some of them aren't technically vapourware, as they've been released, but as they've never fulfilled the potential and hype they've created, we've included them anyway.

10. Duke Nukem Forever

In this case 'Forever' might as well refer to the development time put into the game. Hot from the success of Duke Nukem 3D in 1996 (a fantastic first-person shooter), 3D Realms announced in April 1997 that it would be making a sequel called Duke Nukem Forever.

Things seemed to be going well, with a demonstration of the game using the Quake II engine shown at the 1998 Electronic Entertainment Expos (E3) conference. While critics were impressed, George Broussard, the creator of the game, wasn't and the decision was made to change the game to the Unreal Engine. This put a massive delay on the game's development, and nothing was seen of it until a demonstration video was shown at the 2001 E3 show. Critics were astounded by the game and couldn't wait to play it.

Sadly, wait is what they'd have to do. By 2004 nothing was heard about the game, until GameSpot reported that yet another graphics engine change was underway, this time to the Doom 3 engine, although this would later be denied. Things picked up in 2006, with a teaser trailer showing off the game, but no finished title ever turned up. Then, in January 2009, Broussard popped up on Twitter with a massive hint that the game would be finished shortly.

Sadly, nothing game of it and on May 8 2009, the Duke Nukem Forever staff were laid off due to a lack of funding. It would have appeared that the game was finally dead and buried, but it may not be so. Scott Miller, the CEO of 3D Realms mentioned in December 2009 that "we've never said that Duke Nukem Forever has ceased development". So, there you go: expect Duke Nukem Forever sometime soon, just 13 years after it first went into development.

9. Teledildonics

What's wrong with science fiction writers? A large tract of their work involves crafting futures where people never have to go out. Possible their worst invention is Teledildonics.

Essentially, the proposition here is that by strapping on some devices people will be able to have 'sex' with each other over the internet without having to leave their home. Using these devices the physical sensations of touch would be transmitted to a third party over the internet.

Since this initial conception the definition has been changed to include any computer-controlled sex toy, which seems like a way to cheat the fact that Teledildonics is vapourware. And for those people who're still excited by the original premise of the technology we'd like to conjure up an image for you: you know how it turned out that that cute, 18yo, hot model girl you were talking to actually turned out to be a fat balding, middle aged psychopath, who do you think will be the first person wired up to teledildonics kit waiting for your contact online?