Top 10 things Hollywood thinks computers can do

Posted on 29 Apr 2010 at 12:17

6. Viruses always do something visual

In real life if you get infected with a virus (fake AV scams the exception to the rule), you won't notice anything bar the occasional fault and sometimes system resources being consumed. The reason for this is that the hacker is after money by taking over your computer, so announcing their presence would be stupid. It would be like a bank robber tunnelling into the vault only to run up to the banking floor during the lunchtime rush, waving and shouting at everyone about what they're doing.

The things viruses do in films is always stupid. They can display a skull and crossbones for no conceivable reason, or they may display a message saying something like "deleting files". In all cases they leave the computer user looking confused before bashing their keyboard (again), trying to circumvent what the hacker's doing.

5. Computers have to be controlled by keyboard

Despite the fact that when computers are used in the real world, the keyboard is only used for the occasional shortcut or for actual typing, film and TV characters will only use the keyboard. At stupid speeds.

Yep, that's right, they put down the mouse and turn to the keyboard, wildly bashing at keys while windows pop up, move around and images are zoomed and enhanced. A few more key presses later and the character will probably mutter something like, "I'm opening a port now" or "I just need to bypass the encryption algorithm on the mainframe" or other completely meaningless and stupid phrases.

Ditching the mouse does not make anything easier and it's clear from watching these people that they're bashing the keyboards completely randomly. The only way any sense would come out of it, if you were to get 1,000 of these characters together and sit them in front of typewriters while you wait for the works of Shakespeare to pop out.

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User comments

A minor correction: V'ger became sentient because aliens took its hardware and original programming and improved on it. Also, it's supposed to have been the sixth Voyager probe, which means that it could very well have been semi-sentient, or at least adaptive, from the start.

Interestingly, the "hardware failure" part actually happened with V'ger - it was hit by debris and damaged, and was repaired by the aliens.

By Julius on 4 May 2010

Point 8 confirms itself

I'm very fuzz, but I have to point this out in this extremely funny article: I believe that Point 8, "Online chats always display each character as its typed" should be... "as IT'S typed"? If so, I find amusing that an article about typing has a typo. Or maybe I'm easily amused.

By tabonga on 6 May 2010

Re: #3

Zooming in to incredible depths on an image didn't become a Hollywood cliche with computers - check out Jimmy Stewart film "Call NOrthside 777" for a scene in which they do the same with a photograph.

By Fairportfan on 6 May 2010

RE: #3

#3 is actually provably possible thanks to compressed sensing and sparsity.
http://www.wired.com/magazine/2010/02/ff_algorithm
/all/1

By Eosian on 6 May 2010

read before you post...

that technology works on fuzzy pictures... it works to make a sharp image from a fuzzy one, but a picture from say outer space can only be enhance, not zoomed say 2000 times then enhanced.... it won't work.
hence, what the author said.

By toddomy on 8 May 2010

Also for #3 - zooming makes a standard sound

I'm convinced there is a software package sold as a movie and TV "prop", which does almost exactly the same thing on virtually every such scene (boss leans over techie and says "zoom in on this area and enhance!"
Traits of the prop software: zooming uses a rectangular reticle to select the zoom area (corners and crosshairs); and when zooming, the computer always makes this noise: "zug-zug-zug-zug" (as if lenses were being moved by small motors)
If I've seen and heard this once, I've seen and heard it a thousand times.
I just wish I could find out the name of that prop software...

By birdbrainscan on 14 May 2010

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