Rough Justice

Posted on 30 Jun 2004 at 13:52

 

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Mel Croucher issues a stark warning to negligent computer companies, dog owners, irresponsible parents and his lover

Consider the case of a woman who lives in a small flat and who buys an expensive dog from a specialist breeder. She has no experience of dogs, the dog has never been trained, it barks continuously, it is soon infested with fleas and it craps on the carpet three times a day. Do you think this woman should be fined? And if the breeder was aware of all these potential problems at the time of the sale, do you think he should take some of the blame?

Consider another case, where Mum and Dad buy their beloved son a sports car to celebrate his 18th birthday. He has never had a driving lesson in his life and he can't read road signs because they are in Lithuanian, which is not a language he is familiar with. He speeds off joyfully and drives through the plate glass window of the nearest public library, leaving the staff and customers traumatised and putting the branch out of action for a fortnight. Do you think he should be banned from driving, or given a new car? And do you think his parents should be applauded or sterilised? And do you think the car dealer is in any way responsible for this?

Let's consider a third case. A bisexual prostitute known to be suffering from hepatitis, syphilis and the crabs has unprotected sex with as many men and women as possible in order to pay for the heroin that is at the root of this grim lifestyle. The local newspaper publishes stories about the prostitute every week, and the prostitute even wears a sign that lists the risks. What would you do if you discovered that your lover had had sex with the prostitute and an hour later had sex with you? Would you laugh it off with a nod and a wink or would you commit homicide?

Tough on crime
Personally, I would confiscate the dog, revoke the dog-breeder's licence, sentence Mum and Dad to community service, sue the car dealer and boil my lover alive. As for the woman in the flat, the 18-year-old boy and the drug-addicted prostitute, they would have suffered enough and I would forgive them for their pathetic behaviour.

And now I want you to substitute the word laptop for lapdog, think network instead of sports car, change unprotected sex to internet connection, and consider all three cases again. I suggest that any dealer who sells a plug-in-and-go computer to an ignorant member of the public without ensuring that spam-washers and virus-checkers are preinstalled should be liable for all ensuing damages. I propose that any network operator that allows a novice to upload and download data without first insisting on awareness training should lose their job. And I propose that any internet service provider that allows a customer to host a Trojan, because their service does not automatically isolate invasive software, should be force-fed their own intestines. Don't you just love rough justice?

Author: Mel Croucher