The worst simulators ever
Why do we do it to ourselves? Some of the dullest activities known to man have somehow earned their own simulation games. Here are some of the worst offenders
3. Surgeon Simulator
Cobbled together in 48 hours as a joke for the Global Game Jam, Surgeon Simulator is both fiendishly difficult and hysterically funny. It’s as if the runner from addictive flash game QWOP got a license to practice medicine, with unsurprising results. Players control the surgeon’s hand with the mouse and individual fingers with the keyboard.
If struggling to grip surgical tools and comically slippery internal organs wasn’t hard enough already, more advanced players can attempt surgery in the back of a moving ambulance too. Surgeon Simulator gets bonus points for being deliberately awful, rather than taking itself seriously like the rest of the bilge on this list.
Less enjoyable than: an extended stay in an NHS hospital
2. Viscera Cleanup Detail
We have no idea why someone would want to handle clean up duties after a messy round of Team Deathmatch, but Viscera Cleanup Detail lets you experience it anyway. Apparently, there’s no excuse to let standard slip when it’s the far future, you’re in space and interstellar warfare leaves blood and guts strewn across your starship.
Somewhat depressingly, cleaning hasn’t really advanced from the 21st century, with mops, buckets and plenty of elbow grease being the order of the day. Don’t change your water often enough and your bloody mop can only spread further filth – surely robot vacuum cleaners will handle all this in 1,000 years?
Less enjoyable than: Being jettisoned out of an airlock on the ISS
1. DESERT BUS
Part of Penn & Teller’s Smoke and Mirrors, an unreleased joke game for the Sega Mega CD, Desert Bus is now something of a cult classic. Players are put behind the wheel of a bus driving from Tucson, Arizona to Las Vegas, Nevada in real time, with a maximum speed of 45 mph. This takes eight hours of continuous play and there’s no pause button.
Seriously, that’s all you do
The entire trip is on one straight road, with no other traffic and virtually no scenery. The bus veers constantly to the right, and if youveer off course, the bus will stall and you’ll be towed back to Tucson. In real time. Make it all the way and you’ll earn… one point.
Less enjoyable than: Trying to decipher a London night bus timetable at 3AM